In general I try to avoid worrying about what other people are saying and instead focus on what I can do to change things, but it’s hard to get past the negative impact much of the rhetoric coming from the media and even through the education system is going to have, especially on young men still growing and developing. It’s hard enough growing and establish a healthy identity as a man without adding in societal messages that your gender is the cause of most of the world’s problems
Toxic masculinity
Toxic masculinity has become a catch-all phrase for any behavior a man exhibits that is undesirable. When the phrase was originally coined the idea was that it described the rigid societal definitions of masculinity that were toxic to a man’s health such as discouraging emotional expression and encouraging pointless aggression. An idea that was meant to help men respond to unhealthy societal expectation is instead used to attack and generalize the bad behavior of men, attributing the acts of individuals to an entire gender. To be clear this in no way excuses these behaviors but instead points out that attributing this to villainize an entire gender is counter-productive. Whenever a man or woman uses their power to hurt another person in any way it is wrong, but it also wrong to generalize that behavior to a gender. We need to recognize that men an women often have different abilities, strengths and weaknesses and expressing these is not a problem as long as they are not abused.
Dismantling/tearing down the male patriarchy
For the few who may be unaware, the male patriarchy is a phrase used to refer to societal systems put in place that inherently favor men, especially when it comes to achieving positions of power and influence. While acknowledging that these systems exist is hard to deny, there are multiple issues with how this is typically expressed. First, the idea that in order for someone to be built up someone else needs to be torn down is false. We need to strive to see both men and women succeed and too often tearing down the male hierarchy simply means attacking whatever man in authority happens to be nearest instead of working together to build a system that allows men and women to succeed. Secondly, emphasizing the idea of a male patriarchy can be used to diminish the hard earned accomplishments of men, suggesting they only achieved what they did due to those advantages while also belittling men who don’t have those same achievements despite the perceived advantages. The best path forward requires establishing systems that allow women and men to both succeed, while recognizing and appreciating everyone’s successes and struggles.
The future is female
The issues with this expression are likely the most obvious. Saying the future belongs to one gender is obviously problematic and exclusionary. The origin is understandable as in the eyes of many women most of human history has been male-dominated so it only seems fair the future be female-dominated, but as the old expression goes two wrongs don’t make a right and promoting women at the expense of men in the future isn’t going to change what’s happened in the past or make things better in the future. We need to work together to create a future where both genders can be successful.
Young men already have enough work in trying to find a healthy self-identity without being barraged with attacks about how being a man is toxic, worrying about being a target simply because of any perceived advantages from their gender, having their accomplishments minimized because of those perceived advantages, or being told there is no place for them in the future. The most important thing to realize is that there is room for men and women to succeed, as long as we work together as equals and realize that our differences make us stronger together.
