Happy Father’s Day! Being a dad is one of the most underrated and under appreciated roles around and there are few times that is more apparent than on Father’s Day, especially when compared to Mother’s Day. I am not saying there is anything wrong with how we are celebrating mothers who are also amazing and deserve to celebrated even more, but simply that dads play an equally important role in raising happy and healthy children and that is rarely recognized. Part of this is societal, but a lot of it is because many dads have been slacking in this role or don’t really know how to do better because they never had an example of how to do better, so without further ado, here are some pointers to stepping up your dad game.

1. Raise your kids, don’t babysit them. Raising kids is also a dad’s job and far too may fathers seem to think that they are doing their spouses a favor when they watch the children. Dads cannot babysit their own children and any dad’s saying this is one of my biggest pet peeves
2. Be a cheerleader. This does not come naturally to many men (unless you’re Phil Dunphy) as men tend to act more like coaches and temper any encouragement with constructive criticism, but especially when kids are younger receiving genuine praise without condition from dad means the world.
3. Be a partner to mother of your children, not another child. Whether you’re still together or not you need to work as partners and not add another burden to a mother who already likely feels like she has the world on her shoulders.
4. Get your hands dirty. Whether it be literally (like changing diapers or cleaning up messes) or figuratively, be hands on in the day-to-day parenting of your children. Far too many dads think that most of those parenting jobs are not their responsibility, but this certainly isn’t true.
5. Be the adult, even when (not if) it means not being liked. Dads can often fit into a role of the being the fun parent like Homer on The Simpsons but the truly amazing dads are willing to not be fun sometimes and be responsible no matter what the child’s reaction is.
6. Be a mentor and role model. The most important thing you can do for your kids is demonstrate how to live. Spend time both demonstrating through your everyday life, but also intentionally making teachable moments to train your children in developing character.
7. Love your kids unconditionally. Especially during Pride Month it reminds us of stories of how many parents (seemingly especially dads) have rejected their children after they have come out. Whomever your child may be and whatever they may do you need to love them regardless of your feelings.
8. Have tough conversations. Your children will need to talk about difficult subjects like drugs, relationships, finances, sex etc., and you get to decide whether that conversation is with you, their friends or learning from people you may not even know.j
9. Be fun. Don’t forget that kids need to act like kids and the more willing you are to do the same, the closer your relationship will be.
10. Be there and be present and available. The world is full of absent fathers, both those who have completely left their family but also those who are physically present but mentally and emotionally distant and unavailable. Your kids need you to be there.

Never forget how critical your role as a dad is. Whether it be the simple logic that two engaged parents are better than one or the proven statistics that there are far higher incarceration rates among those who grew up without a dad or an uninvolved dad, how each of the six mad school shooters of this century grew up in homes without dads or under involved dads, increased rates in teenage pregnancies among girls without dads or new research that is suggesting that those growing up without dads could have shorter lifespans. Our role is critical and what we do is shaping the next generation for better or worse, let’s make it for better